(Guilty) Birthday Celebrations 🎂

It was my birthday yesterday.

I usually look forward to my birthday, most years without fail I head back into the Big smoke and celebrate with friends.

It usually ends up being a week long affair eating out at all my favourite places and spending time soaking in all that is great about London.

This year is different to say the least...I was preparing to have a (sober) birthday minimal fuss in preparation for what would have been our new arrival.

Jaxon ALWAYS gets so excited whenever it is one of our birthdays - he LOVES all the fuss!

So in true ‘G’ style the boys were prepared to make this birthday celebration a fun one...I on the other hand was dreading it.

A pang of guilt every time my birthday was mentioned because I too just wanted to enjoy myself & smile.

It made me question whether grieving people are allowed to actually be happy again?

Can bereaved parents find the happy in everyday situations again?

I allowed myself to let go and enjoy the moment yesterday.

Louis and Jaxon worked so hard to make me smile, so why would I ruin that for them?

I had a lovely breakfast out with Jaxon, my sister, niece and nephew while Louis was at work for a couple of hours.

Then we went across to Birmingham City Centre, had a little nosey around the shops.

Trying to shop in a face mask is horrendous!

Then we went across to a place called ‘The Alchemist’ for dinner and drinks.

Jaxon being quite the Scientist and us both being into Harry Potter we quite liked the idea of incorporating chemistry and potions into our drink/dining experience.

Whilst the food leaves a little to be desired for the drinks were really fun!

I would have happily worked my way through the entire cocktail list!

So although it was a day that at the start was filled with dread....I ended up having a really REALLY nice time.

Grief has already taken my son...am I to let it continue to rob me further?

Rob me of the good times and the ability to make happy memories with Jaxon and Louis? Family and friends? No! Absolutely not!

Instead I need to push further to find the happiness in even the littlest things.

I have a broken heart but I am not broken.

Until next time maybe,

Michelle xXx